Days are a little drab and I’ve been stuck in this dull, lifeless mood. The tiniest of things set the tears flowing, like how dad’s HTN and him not informing us of his being hospitalised for kidney stones. Then the thought of leaving, the messages from boss, all just set me off. I’m at the extreme ends of  being weepy and short-fused. Everything just seems bleak and joyless and there’s really nothing to look forward to, nothing to keep me going. Perhaps that’s the main reason why I’m diving head on into a job and environment I am likely unsuited for, where freedom is limited, and where I’m taking a slight loss in income for a heavier workload. Must be bordering on the edge of insanity but I’m honestly getting frustrated at doing the same things,

and feeling a little disappointed at people in the office and how things are not the same as before. Lastly I’m so worried about the future, about not getting grants, not being able to progress, of having to do the same things again even after phd and worse still, having to compete with others for grants at a ripe old age of I dunno 50? I wish there’s an easy answer to everything. I wish sometimes God gives us a clue as to what the future holds. Should we not care about the future but just focus on the now, what gives us joy and meaning at this very moment? I don’t know.