you sat there counting stars,
And I wonder who was on your mind.
You sat there with the wind in your hair,
And I wonder whose face you caressed.
You sat there humming an old song,
And I wonder whose lips you kissed.

Was I ever in your heart?
Where did I ever reside?
Do you think of me,
Only when your nights are bare?

Like a ghost, you are always there but never really there.

Toni Morrison - Home

finished the book in one seating right after loaning it from the library. Morrison is a very visual kind of writer; the imageries that she created with her writing are sometimes shocking and vivid. I quite enjoyed her style. The novel Home is a relatively short one which revolved around the lives of a frank Money and his sister Cee. Frank and Cee came from an impoverished family in a rural town, Lotus, and grew up under the care of their evil step-grandma, Lenore and bummish grandfather Salem. Cee was despised by Lenore as she was borne on the streets and was regarded as a jinx but Cee was loved and protected by Frank. However when frank left to enlist in the army, Cee was left to her own devices and made the mistake of marrying Prince whom dumped her after leaving with Lenore's car to the city.
On another side of the world, frank suffered from PTSD after the war and took to drinking. Apart from Losing his two best friends from home, frank had a dark secret which he eventually revealed near the end of the book. Frank was on the way to self-destruction until he received a letter saying that his sister was dying and needed his rescue.
Cee had been working as a nurse for a nice doctor who eventually turned out to be Frankenstein of sort, drugging her and conducting experiments on her. Cee was on the brink of death until Frank appeared and both of them returned to the home they had abhorred in their youth. In lotus, the community spirit and love nursed Cee back to life. The ending was beautiful... the sense of losing something, finding it, and that peace of returning home.

Lost sleep over the week... school has barely started and I am all stressed out after realizing I have very little time left after scheduling in classes, work, thesis, revision... not to mention coming assignments, tests, projects. Kinda regret committing to 2 days/ week of work.

Finding it hard to concentrate on textbook reading, get distracted every 10min. Sigh... my life.

Sometimes I wish I could be the type to walk away from things and not feel guilty. people pulling u away to attend to other needs of theirs...I wonder how some pple can just turn a blind eye and not feel anything. I struggle so much with this.. on one hand I feel bad to not care on the other hand I feel bad that I'm not attending to the to-do list of my own...I then began to think why isn't so and so contributing help to those in the group who needed it? Why is it always the same few pple contributing? I began comparing and judging and felt disappointed that some pple could be uncaring enough to just shut themselves off.
But then this passage came to mind:

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.

18“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others^f will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.”19Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

20Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” 21Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”

22Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” 23So the rumor spread among the community of believers^g that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that isn’t what Jesus said at all. He only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

Peter made the same human mistake of comparing the tasks "assigned" to him and that of John's. After Jesus told him to feed his sheeps and to follow him, Peter was more concerned about what John was supposed to do than anything else. Jesus then rebuked him and basically asked him to mind his own business and to just focus on what he had been asked to do- follow Jesus. 

Comparing our fates, our tasks, our shares of rewards, etc is oftentimes pointless and bring about bitterness, anger, jealousy... why do we do this? Because we want justice for ourselves? Because we want to get a fair share of things? Because we think we rightly deserve certain things ? 

http://learn.lexiconic.net/humancondition.htm

How We Live Our Lives

-What is the good life?
-How do parents act towards their children?
-How do we deal with death?
-How do we deal with alienation from those around us?
-Should we conform or be original?
-How do we become adults? What is the process of maturation?
-What is the relationship between different generations or genders?-How do we deal with excessive poverty or wealth?

Human Nature

-Are we naturally evil or good?
-Are we born with inherited traits or are we a "blank slate"?
-What's more important for human beings? Law and order or freedom?
-Are we determined by our genetic structure, environment, etc., or do we have free will ?
-Are we naturally social beings or are we individuals first?
-Can we know universal truths?
-Are we selfish or altruistic?

Human Society

-What's the best way to live together?
-Should we care for the weak and poor, or let them fend for themselves?
-What is a natural society: equality or hierarchy?
-Is civilization positive or negative?
-How should society treat the environment?

The human condition.

I guess part of human nature is selfishness. We care more about our own happiness than that of others. Oftentimes, we do things without considering if someone else gets hurt by our actions. Do we build our happiness at the expense of somebody else's? Does it make us feel better, does it give us joy, to hurt someone else, sometimes intentionally just because? 
Could there ever be a complete joy that doesnt cost someone else something ? 

Some kind of wonderful

All you have to do is touch my hand
To show me you understand
And something happens to me
That's some kind of wonderful

Any time my little world is blue
I just have to look at you
And every thing seems to be
Some kind of wonderful

Listened to this song this morning. Wouldn't it be nice if happiness is so easily achieved? 

Been looking at paintings and wishing I have the time and the energy to start a new one. But I feel annoyed at not having complete the previous wave painting... so things remain as status quo... arghh! Started practicing calligraphy again but this time with brush pens which is less messier as compared to dip pens or fountain pens. I could practice it while lying in bed as opposed to having set up the study table for DP and FP. I find myself getting a little reclusive the past month, with no mood to socialize when I've been meaning to catch up with some pple before school starts. Alas, I'd rather spend time tending to my plants. Re-potted the mint today as I suspected it was suffering from a case of root-bound. Cut away most of the dead roots and separated the salvageable ones. Snipped off a few stems for propagating. Hope it works. Gardening seems I don't know a no-brainer but it actually is an art form in itself. Every plant has its own needs- they die when you over-water, they die when you under-water. Too much sunlight and they burn, too little sunlight and they wither. I wonder how long more before I get tired of expending so much time and effort on the plants. But then again, gardening is quite therapeutic too. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm suffering from some undiagnosed depression or stress coz I keep finding "therapeutic" things to do. Cooking too is therapeutic but I'm a boring cook, always returning to the same old recipes. Quite pleased with the bruschetta I made and the satisfaction was doubled when the basil came from my "garden".
I think I kinda lost my travel plans. Couldn't think of a place I wanted to visit when a colleague asked  But to recap:
Peru
Bolivia
Chile
Patagonia
Cuba
Maldives
Greece
Alaska
Southern parts of the states and Yellowstone
Tasmania
Nepal again
Morocco + Sahara
Sardinia