Lost sleep over the week... school has barely started and I am all stressed out after realizing I have very little time left after scheduling in classes, work, thesis, revision... not to mention coming assignments, tests, projects. Kinda regret committing to 2 days/ week of work.

Finding it hard to concentrate on textbook reading, get distracted every 10min. Sigh... my life.

Sometimes I wish I could be the type to walk away from things and not feel guilty. people pulling u away to attend to other needs of theirs...I wonder how some pple can just turn a blind eye and not feel anything. I struggle so much with this.. on one hand I feel bad to not care on the other hand I feel bad that I'm not attending to the to-do list of my own...I then began to think why isn't so and so contributing help to those in the group who needed it? Why is it always the same few pple contributing? I began comparing and judging and felt disappointed that some pple could be uncaring enough to just shut themselves off.
But then this passage came to mind:

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.

18“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others^f will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.”19Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

20Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” 21Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”

22Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” 23So the rumor spread among the community of believers^g that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that isn’t what Jesus said at all. He only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

Peter made the same human mistake of comparing the tasks "assigned" to him and that of John's. After Jesus told him to feed his sheeps and to follow him, Peter was more concerned about what John was supposed to do than anything else. Jesus then rebuked him and basically asked him to mind his own business and to just focus on what he had been asked to do- follow Jesus. 

Comparing our fates, our tasks, our shares of rewards, etc is oftentimes pointless and bring about bitterness, anger, jealousy... why do we do this? Because we want justice for ourselves? Because we want to get a fair share of things? Because we think we rightly deserve certain things ?