Breath of dream

 The beauty of yesterdays,

Faded.

Came to believe that,

Nothing lasts forever. 

Here for a moment,

Thought I tasted eternity.

It was gone,

Temporal,

Like a breath of dream. 

Faceless, nameless crowds,

Silenced the whispers 

That threatened to shatter the cacophony. 

What was heard was unheard

What was seen was unseen

The burden is meant for one to bear.

What a fool to believe,

The goodness, the goodness,

It’s a lie that lives in fairy tales.

Sometimes I wonder why the person who initiates a break up gets blamed and casted in a bad light. Is the person who wants to leave a relationship always to blame? Perhaps that person deserves a pat on the back instead for being mature and brave enough to end things rather than dragging things on just for the sake of being responsible/kind. 

Sometimes we hear people lament oh but s/he didn’t do anything wrong, s/he is such a good person.. xyz must be really bad/stupid to dump him/her. I wonder if it’s crueler to carry on a relationship with someone knowing that s/he isn’t the right one? Aren’t we short-changing that person ? 

I wonder why it’s so hard to do the right thing. Perhaps of society’s judgment, perhaps of fear, perhaps of the unknown, perhaps of all the things we’ve accumulated that need to be cut off from our lives.... 

Perhaps true love is one that defies reason and one that you just can’t place your finger on. Pretty much like how one is drawn to a particular prose, a certain city, movie, bookstore...you just don’t know why. 

Shakespeare and company- a history of the rag and bone shop of the heart

 Glad that I bought this book. A very charming read so far especially that of the owner (after Sylvia beach) George Whitman’s travel journal. The entries spoke of a man with socialist idealism, of heart, adventures, relentless pursuit of knowledge, bibliophile, sensitivity...if only there are more of such people in the world. Perhaps this is the very reason why his bookstore outlived him and is much loved by many. I too can’t place my finger on why I am so enamored with the bookstore after visiting it just once and at a time when it was rather crowded, one barely had space to walk.  

Above the bookstore was this famous quote lifted from the book of hebrews 13:2

Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be angels in disguise.  

I guess it’s little things like this that reminds us of our humanity and which lends the bookstore its charm

Fair weather

 I suppose sometimes people are placed into your life for you to learn something.

I’ve learned somehow that some pple are never quite truly reliable friends coz well, relationships are mainly transactional or there, to serve a purpose for some people. 

I dislike fair weather friends. People who demand your time and effort in their time of need and desperation but who are never there, when you need them. People who get on their moral high horses simply because of their own convenience and needs. Do these people truly care about morals, be it yours or theirs, if it serves their purpose? Yes everything is deserving of moral justification because it doesn’t fit into their schedule but when it suits their needs, everything else is fair game.

I’m beginning to doubt my own judgment when I’ve always been so confident of reading people. I guess maybe this time I’ve been wrong. Sometimes people justify every action and nonchalance to their own benefit and to perhaps, hide their true ugly nature from themselves. 

Hope

 The year’s almost coming to an end. Not quite sure what to make of 2020 and what to expect for the years to come. Things seem rather bleak, with the economy bleeding and the rest of the world still struggling with the pandemic. There’s a glimmer of hope that the vaccines bring. A glimmer of hope, the best kind of medicine we need, in the darkest of days. This is very much the same appeal we find in Christianity- hope. 

Been reading much less these days, taken months to finish Obama’s audacity of hope. Ahh, that word again. Talking about hope almost always reminds me of viktor frankel’s man’s search for meaning of life. Haven’t read anything too fantastic these days after grapes of wrath. Reminds me again that I ought to read of mice and men. 

Some fine movies - miracle in cell 47 and boy who harnessed the wind 

Although humanity needs hope to survive, we can’t place any hope on humanity. I suppose I need to moderate or better yet, not have any expectations of anyone. If one wants to give, one should give freely, not feel obligated, and with no expectations. I guess for some people whom I feel deserving or in need, I am more than happy to give without expecting anything in return. But for some people, I’m not sure why I just feel taken advantage of. It just puts me off that sometimes people scheme to reap benefits off you, no matter how small or petty those benefits are. I know it’s ungracious to think or feel this way but I just can’t help feeling this way. I guess I’ve not much tolerance for devious people.