The rain, it came.
Its warmth trickled down
My arms.
The sun felt cold
Just like a heart
Broken, full of doubts.
Truth lay in these tears
The lies from the years
Fell from your mouth.
A bitter laugh,
I bit my tongue,
The sorrows overwhelmed,
And I fell,
Into a bottomless pit
Of emptiness.
Swam in darkness,
The silent screams,
no one heard.
The light I could never see.
What you took,
You took completely.
Drained of all life
It is the end.
I wonder sometimes if it pays to tell someone the fire’s dangerous and you will get burnt if you touch it. People will believe what they want to believe. Why should we care so much?
The toxicity is building up, while the remnants of the past had yet to dissipate. Who’s just paying lip service ? Who truly cares ? Who only cares for their own wants at the expense of everyone else?
Time tells but sometimes I am doubtful too of this adage.
Sometimes I think perhaps it's not so bad being a hermit. Away from all human beings. Everything's too complex. No one speaks the truth. No one cares for the truth. Coat everything with nice lies and people will love you for it. We judge before understanding and that is perhaps, something I am sometimes guilty of doing too. How do we differentiate between good and evil, hypocrisy and authenticity? This is a year when so many relationships are put to the test...how many of us will come out unscathed and perhaps, gain more clarity about people's hearts?
This recent BS brought a little bit of comfort:
God will give us peace where we are most vulnerable. Our situations may not change but we will have the peace to get through them. God gives us the finest wheat; we will be satisfied no matter the situation.
Some situations are beyond our control and I can understand how frustrating it is when we can do nothing about them...and that is when we need that peace from God...to know that we will get through the darkness and be okay. There is no need to keep trying to change things/ alter our paths with brute force.
This is something i really want to believe in. That everything will be okay some day. For now, i think the only thing I can do is to seek peace and wisdom.
Season of change. Nothing’s normal. What’s normal? Who dictates what it is? Sometimes I just wanna fall forever, reach the bottom of the tunnel, and see what it is like. Will it bring me comfort more than trying endlessly to strive towards the light ? Life, life, life. I wish I can walk away from it.
Been almost a year since I blogged. Where did the time go? It's often easier to write than verbalise one's true thoughts. But strangely, now, even in writing, I cant gather my thoughts. This year's been a strange one and I believe I've said the exact same thing last year. Guess things are just not going back to normal. This year's pandemic, I suppose, was an opportunity for us to slow down and take stock. But are we really doing that? Or are we just indulging ourselves in other forms of frivolities? For me, it had been exercising, cooking, TV watching, reading. I suppose perhaps, I am feeling a little lost and using "things" to distract myself further rather than deal with the monster in the closet. Trying to retrace my steps and reminding myself again of what's important or what I had once dreamt of doing. Courage eludes me. Where does one acquire such a thing? This is a senseless post, which is going nowhere, and serves no purpose, except perhaps a little catharsis.
On an unrelated note, at the beach one day with the breeze and a drink, I'd a vision of a simple life sailing around the world. Sounds like a simple dream but it obviously isn't one, with all the practicalities and consequences, one have to consider.
