Stiff upper lip

Today's alpha hit the nail on the head. Nicky gumbel spoke of "emotionalism" and the Brits lack thereof of emotions, especially in public. This is why we always associate a stiff upper lip with the Brits. I think I might have been a Brit borne into an Asian body for having the exact same feelings regarding any public display of emotions. This was one of the reasons I refused to be prayed for twice during the alpha "Holy Spirit" weekend, and again at church camp. I was afraid i would cry as from time to time I felt strange stirrings of emotions for no apparent reason. Today the same thing happened. I struggled like hell whether to be prayed for but seeing everyone do it, I felt odd not following (yes I'm the mindless type of crowd follower) and so I did. And what I feared most and did not want happen most came true. I sobbed like crazy in front of colleagues who came for alpha and it just kept coming in waves thereafter for the next 2 hours. I thought God was being funny but I know it might have been necessary for something like this to happen. To give up control over ourselves, our lives. God slowly breaks down our defences when we try so hard not to be vulnerable, when we try so hard to control things. At long last, He shows us He is Lord over us that all we can do is surrender. 

Les miserables- Victor Hugo

At long last the book was finished yesterday night. It really is a masterpiece with interjections of history, the author's views on socialism, the French Revolution and the monarchy, religion, etc alongside the main story of love, kindness, insurrection, God, and evil. I find these interjections to be a surprise but admittably, the lengthiness of these mullings had me skimming over these chapters. 

The main story was really lovely. I especially love Jean Valjean who because of a bishop's kindness became a changed man who was determined to do everything right by God. I was rather sad at the beginning that Valjean was sentenced so heavily for stealing a loaf of bread out of necessity. I also loved the part where the bishop took him in, and not only didn't incriminate Valjean when he stole the bishop's silverware but gave him the precious candleholders as well. The Thernadiers angered me with their conniving greedy ways and the way they treated Fantine and Cosette. I didn't quite like the way Cosette was portrayed.. Hugo wanted to paint the image of a pure, angelic girl but I thought it was a little too much that it made Cosette seem like a dimwit. This was especially true at the end of the story when she married Marius. The way she sulked and the things she said when Valjean didn't want to stay with them and kept his distance had me feeling that there couldn't really be such a woman alive in this world. And of course there was this whole love at first sight issue that made the story just that less "real".

The main themes I felt from the book were love,kindness, and forgiveness. Valjean was filled with so much goodness and love for mankind that he never held grudges against anyone. Not even Javert  who had hunted him down for years. He later saved Javert and this caused so much dissonance within Javert that he killed himself.

I'm not sure I liked the ending. I hated that self-condemnation drew Valjean away from Cosette and that things were only resolved at his death bed. I had wished for a more glorious ending for Valjean. He deserved much better. 

The empty casks of yesterday's sorrows,

A new day was borne,

But I couldn't see the light. 

Shadows and dust

They lay at my feet.

I thought of things I shouldn't think about,

The sweetness of lull was robbed from me.

You have taken my dreams 

Trampled them under your feet.

Hopes were shattered to dust

And you blew them into the wind.

Your careless and cruel laugh,

It was her hand you held at last.

I understand now,

What I couldn't understand then.

Some love are tainted,

Some are pure.

It takes a fool sometimes,

To see the truth too late. 

And that fool, you see,

It was me,

It is me. 

The infinite stupidity and short-sightedness of human beings. I wish we had been granted more wisdom-that would make decision-making much more easier. I could understand why Adam and Eve chose to partake in the forbidden fruit, the temptation of knowledge was just too irresistible. 

"...the sovereignty of me over me is called Liberty.....the law is nothing but the protection of all men based on the rights of each, and the equivalent sacrifice that all men make is called Equality. The protection of all men by every man is Fraternity, and the point at which all these sovereignties intersect is called Society. " 

Victor Hugo, Les Miserables 

New acquisitions - second chance books from BooksActually. Didn't exactly find the titles I wanted but well, better luck next time. 

I just feel so anxious to finish les miserables. It's a great book but way too long, that I find myself scanning through words sometimes just coz I wanna be reading other books already. A terrible habit, not being able to keep to one thing for long. I'm glad I'm only left with a quarter of the book to go... Although there is still a whole pile of unread books on my shelves, I feel the urge to go out and purchase these books:

Mud sweat and tears 

Ex libris 

Wrinkle in time 

The Martian 

Go set a watchman 

Look who's back

Odyssey 

Ulysses 

In search of lost time

The book thief 

The Little Paris Bookshop and The Storied Life of AJ Fikry, 

The last bookstore in America 

Surely the list is longer than this but I had forgotten to note down the titles and so they have vanished from my mind.... I wish sometimes that I have photographic memory.