2018

First day of the year and I woke with rashes. Not a great start I guess. Been procrastinating with school stuff, trying to decide what modules to take. A part of me wants to learn something totally different from my field, yet the logical side of me wants to take something relevant to "value-add". However, one of my classmates was right when she said since the organisation is not sponsoring my education, I should do it for myself. Yet I sit on the fence.
I dread going back to school even though I had enjoyed it during the last term. All the things I had wanted to do during the break, are left undone.
Looking back at 2017, there had not been much changes, with the exception of school and the waning fire in God.
I guess the less you do something, the less willing and the less drive you have for it. The key then perhaps is to never take a break from important work.
What have I achieved in 2017? scraping past Grade 7 piano and making it to next sem in school? I had dropped perpetually all church-related work in exchange, even with Sunday School, I've been inconsistent in attendance. Dropped out of LCEC as well coz I just dont find it that meaningful yet. Didnt go on any mission trips even though I did have spare time in December.
On the travel front, didnt go anywhere too far this year- Bangkok, Phuket, Bali, chengdu. I didnt expect to like Chengdu but I did enjoy the trip quite a bit, doing nothing much except for eating and visiting museums and the panda research base. I guess the weather has to do with everything.
What do I want to achieve next year?
Complete MPH, better fitness, internship, master the spencerian script, paint better, play the piano better- the tangible things.
The intangible ones, to grow spiritually and not always feeling that it's others' job to help me grow. And the issue of people... perhaps it's better to drift away, since there aren't going to be any results anyway.;there's just no way things can work out the way everyone wants.
https://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices
Read the transcript of this video..It struck a chord with me. There are always hard choices to make; I am not surprised if we spend our entire lives deliberating over choices, regretting them, undoing them, making new choices...Some decisions steer us onto a completely different path, some decisions follow us for the rest of our lives...Wouldnt it be nice if we just "know"? I think sometimes we do possess that innate ability of "knowing" but it is oftentimes drowned out by reasons, by the voices of others, by what society values,by what we think is politically correct. Like what Ruth Chang spoke of on her career choice- lawyer vs philosopher. The heart knew what she wanted but reason overthrew that but for how long could you deny the heart of what it truly wants? In her case, she was brave enough to finally give in to her heart and overhauled her life.
Could we really abandon reason, plausible consequences to follow our hearts? Is it always best to follow the heart?