It caught me by surprise the way I've started missing the kids after just a mere 3 days with them. They are just so incredible- open, joyful, caring for one another, etc. Hopefully the fire for them will not burn out and I'll have the strength and perseverance to do more for them.
On another note, was amused by another incident during the trip. I realized I've been getting more and more impatient. When a prayer gets too long, I find myself wandering. When someone talks too much and too long, I get annoyed and start wishing that person would hurry up and get to the point. When I don't see immediate results, I tend to give up whatever I am doing. Knowing my impatient nature, I prayed before the trip for God to grant me patience. And the funny thing was the group I was assigned to was called patience! Just what i prayed for and I didn't realize it until the last day of the trip... Rather retarded.
I think I have gained more from the trip than I gave. Of all the kids, I was impressed most by Arwan-hardworking, kind, talented, mature, and God-loving. I have more affinity with Mefati though and was very happy to see how he opened up on the last day of the trip. Before that we asked him to sing for us and he refused to. On the last day, he brought a guitar and just sat in front of me and asked me to sing while he played. I didn't know the song so couldn't sing. Then he just started singing three songs to me. Very heartwarming. It really doesn't take much to bring joy to someone. Was very impressed with Samuel as well. He acted as our translator as he was the only one out of the whole group to speak good English. He has also signed up for Bible college. I like him most for his humour and the way he takes care of the rest of the kids like a big brother-teaching them songs and just watching over them. I thank God for the opportunity to know these people.

Dreams that cannot be

Some dreams u wake up from.
Whilst sweet,
Make you weep.
Because they remain,
In dreams.
The harsh reality
Is what greets
You each day.
Each day,
The heart grows colder,
I see it in others' eyes,
The same pain,
The same lives.
We are all the same.
Destroyed by lies,
By the dreams that cannot be.

Diary

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/01/25/virginia-woolf-on-keeping-a-diary/

Very well-written diary... I can get what she meant when she said one shouldn't hesitate when writing. Once you do, there is always a risk of self-censorship. Rather synonymous to most things in life. Once we hesitate, fear, worries, anxieties set in, and we lose our momentum to do/say something. Good example of this is today. Hesitated whether to attend service.. And Alas, here I am lying in bed writing mindless stuff.

Man with the banjo

Kumbaya my lord,
That old folk song you used to sing,
Under the willow tree.
Strumming that old banjo
With your weary fingers.

Kumbaya my lord,
you sang as the night settled.
The woods gathered in the day,
Were set ablaze.
By the fire you sat,
Singing that familiar old song.

Kumbaya my lord.
The birds had gone into hiding,
The sounds of the crickets permeated the air.
The children gathered around you,
The glowing fire reflected in their eyes.
Enchanted they watched,
As you strummed and sang
Kumbaya my lord.

Kumbaya my lord.
The night grew darker,
The children's eyes were hazy.
It is time for bed,
Their mothers called.
When they were gone,
Alone you sat,
Still singing that song.

Kumbaya my lord.
You waited till the stars were out,
Under the willow tree,
You put down that old banjo,
With your arms behind your head,
You watched them twinkle,
Till dawn came and stole them away.

Kumbaya my lord
You hummed.
And slung that old banjo across your back,
Walking away from that willow tree,
Which had been your home for a night,
And disappeared into the morning mist.

Mr Bach is driving me up the walls....

July... Such a packed month... Mission conference, mission briefing, mission trip, piano exam, 3 cells, 2 different readings with SS and cell... Wonder why everything happens at the same time... But I guess it leaves me less time to mull over unnecessary things.

Saw a typewriter the other day at a garage sale. So tempted to buy. Everyone seems to be progressing but I am regressing. But I like the sounds of the typewriter, especially the older models, not the ribbon type from the 80/90s. And I like the print.

The letter

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/11/15/simon-garfield-to-the-letter/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/07/10/vita-sackville-west-love-letter-virginia-woolf/

The art of letter writing is quite dead. Many moons ago before the advent of
emails, me and min used to write each other after she returned to Korea. And sometimes on a whim, I would write and post short letters to neow and wik. It's always quite exciting to receive a letter (bills and rubbish flyers not included), especially when you are anticipating a reply to your last one. Emails just don't quite cut it.
But I can't recall the last time I posted a letter or even a card to someone. Maybe I should start writing to min again instead of kakao-ing. But what do I write? It just seems so rather odd to update her bout my life via snail mail when I could instantaneously update her about my current thoughts, feelings and moods on kakao.
Have to give it some thoughts.

One of my favorite letters by Beethoven:
Good morning, on July 7th
Even when I am in bed my thoughts rush to you, my eternally beloved, now and then joyfully, then again sadly, waiting to know whether Fate will hear our prayer--To face life I must live altogether with you or never see you. Yes, I am resolved to be a wanderer abroad until I can fly to your arms and say that I have found my true home with you and enfolded in your arms can let my soul be wafted to the realm on blessed spirits--alas, unfortunately it must be so--You will become composed, the more so as you know that I am faithful to you; no other woman can ever possess my heart--never--never--Oh God, why must one be separated from her who is so dear. Yet my life in V[ienna] at present is a miserable life--Your love has made me both the happiest and the unhappiest of mortals--At my age I now need stability and regularity in my life--can this coexist with our relationship?--Angel, I have just heard that the post goes every day--and therefore I must close, so that you may receive the letter immediately--Be calm; for only by calmly considering our lives can we achieve our purpose to live together--Be calm--love me--Today--yesterday--what tearful longing for you--for you--you--my life--my all--all good wishes to you--Oh, do continue to love me--never misjudge your lover's most faithful heart.

ever yours
ever mine
ever ours

L.

http://home.swipnet.se/zabonk/cultur/ludwig/beeim.htm