Cookie

 Cookie left yesterday - 5/9/2023 3 months short of his 19th 

Missing his crazy antics 

It was hard going into the kitchen and not seeing his food bowl and water fountain anymore. 

All I could do today was lie in bed and look at his photos and videos and cry. 

We went out for a meal and drink and I burst out crying in the restaurant. Loud sobs. Embarrassing. 

On the day he died, I saw a housefly flying above him. We almost never get houseflies. It was ominous and I knew. 

Still I ignored my guts and went to work in the morning. The only good thing was I had enough sense to return home in the afternoon. 

Kept him company. He was mewing so softly. I was engrossed in work for a while and ignored his cries. 

Then I petted him again. 

Then I left him again for work which took me away for just two hours. 

Left at 420pm Wikki came back at 530pm and he was already gone. 

I wonder why he couldn’t just wait. 

Seeing him suffer I had initially thought of shifting his vet appointment to Tuesday evening. But then I thought perhaps he could just hang on for a day more. Just a little bit more time. But I guess he hated vet visit enough to leave before that. The things he would do, to run away from the vet. 

My right eye hurt from too much crying.

I don’t know how to face the tasks ahead tomorrow.

Things will get better.

Memories fade and the pain will lessen  

I hate u for leaving, cookie.

And I wonder how it was like for u during your last moments.

Did you suffer? 

You looked relatively glam for a dying senior cat. 

I thought maybe you had a chance.

I was hopeful for a while  

Maybe it’s my fault for insisting on giving u a bath  

Your bulb went out right after the bath. 

I was impatient. 

Could have waited for the waterless shampoo to come  

I wished I had been there when you took your last breaths  

I wish, I really wish. 

I will see you again, Cookie. 

Maybe soon.