it feels like i have already run out of steam. Doubts, fears, anxiety start creeping in. Sometimes i wonder why I am doing this. whether is it really worth it? Will everything come to naught? What's really my priority? What's really valuable to me? Would i have been happier finding ways to make more money, retire early, and go RV-ing/sailing for the rest of my life? I am not sure why hollowness scares me, that lack of a sense of purpose/utility. Fewer and fewer things entice me these days, not big cars, not money, not big houses, nor the latest shiniest gadgets. Some days I just wish I can lie on a beach and read a book and not have anyone or a to-do list bothering me. 

I have been vacillating between cutting some people off completely but a small part of me just can't bear to do it. is it better to keep someone in your life even if it stings to do so or to just stop all contact because you no longer believe a single word this person says, nor do you find value in the relationship anymore. I guess it's just my expectations and the resulting disappointments. Perhaps I should just learn to stop trusting and take everything with a pinch of salt. I really shouldnt be wasting time on unnecessary things and people anymore when they dont give me the time of day.