The heart is ill these days- filled with doubts and whatnots. Today at service, I began to wonder if Christ was truly the Messiah or was it all a myth? I shudder to think that I could think of things like that. I pushed the thoughts away as I couldn't bear my own disbelief and scepticism. Why is my heart hard? Why is it so difficult to truly embrace God and to put God In the Centre of my life? Went for block outreach today; was initially dragging my feet but later found that I quite enjoyed the task.
I guess I need to pray harder and to dwell in His words more.

On a side note, it is strange how these days most people brush away the importance of religion in a relationship. How do two people come together, move together when their very core beliefs and values are vastly different? For instance, a Christian might believe in the everlasting life and so lend little significance to the now and the world s/he lives in, which is contrary to what the non-believer values- the now, materialism, etc.
society also tends to emphasise the importance of self- we see the tons of books in the self-help section of a bookstore-where else the Christian belief is one that emphasizes losing the self.
How do we reconcile these differences?
Although I cannot say that I've been in the Christian community for a long time but i do observe a difference between a godly man and one who is not. I can't place a finger on it but the godly man seems to exude a certain radiance, softness and goodness which I don't see in most people.