They dream parallel dreams and it is only in this parallel universe that they meet. Sometimes a stray wanders in their dreams- a butterfly, a cat, a dog, and once, a mountain lion. 

12 years a slave- Solomon northup

First watched the movie before deciding to read the book, which i'd bought some time ago. Most of the time I would say the book is better than the movie but this time, I would say they were comparable. Solomon Northup was a free man in New York in the 1800s and had owned a farm and was also an occasional violinist. During a season when there was little work, he was lured by two sly characters to Washington with the promise of work, where slavery had not been abolished yet. He was kidnapped by the two men and sold as a slave to Louisianna, where he toiled as one for 12 long years. I couldn't believe how such outrageous acts could have been committed and how this singular event could change one man's life in the most unbelievable way. For 12 years, Solomon northup toiled in cotton fields, sugar cane plantation, etc with little food, daily whipping, and at one time, almost hung to death. Despite his sufferings, it seemed to the reader that he felt a sense of empathy and understanding toward his white enslavers. He said that he didn't blame them for not being able to see the injustice of slavery, for the belief that slavery was the norm had been inculcated in them for generations. Even in the most kind-hearted of men, they were blinded to the "wrong-ness" of slavery. We see in Solomon's story how easy it is for us to take for granted what is "right" without questioning simply because it was something that had been done for generations and is deemed as a way of life by society. Bass, the man responsible for Solomon's release, spoke out against slavery and was deemed an eccentric. He said that God created all men equal, therefore what right has one man over the other, to treat him as an inferior?

It was a very simple argument and yet, no one wanted to believe in it and brushed it off as hogwash. 

Bass went out of his way to help Solomon and I think Solomon was truly blessed to have many others who were concerned enough for his welfare to do something. Henry Northup, his father's employer's son, eventually managed to save him out of slavery. It was a wonderful "ending" or is it? In the preface we read that Solomon began giving lectures that spoke against slavery and shared stories of his enslavement. It was also mentioned however, that a few years later, nothing could be found on this man, that he was not recorded in the censure. We could only hope no harm was done to him although it does seem likely that he could have been killed by those who were for slavery. 

With weary eyes I look at you 

You know, I am tired to the bones.

Running after you for so long,

To you, I never meant a dime,

And you will never give me

The time of day,

When all I've ever asked of you,

Was a song. 

You depart with a friendly smile,

But you have left a storm behind.

I watch the dark clouds gather

And hear the sound of my own heart

Breaking like the claps of thunder.

I am cold to the bones,

Shivering and quivering under the bitterness of the rain.

Perhaps one day I will not remember your face,

Perhaps one day I would find myself again,

The one who was lost amidst the flurry of your words,

The one who had believed in you.

My heart was once pure and true,

Only now I've come to understand,

That I was played for a fool. 

The Bard

http://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/authors/10-of-the-best-shakespeare-insults/10690

http://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/authors/10-of-shakespeares-most-romantic-quotes/10781

Wild- Cheryl Strayed

I remembered watching half of the movie and got bored. It's been happening a lot to me these days; the same thing happened when i watched unbroken before reading the book. Given that I'd found the movie boring, I'm not sure why I eventually bought the book. The book as always is much better than the movie. Two passages made me cry and the rest of the chapters just left me awe-struck. The first passage that made me cry was when Cheryl knowing that her mother was going to die anytime (after being diagnosed with lung cancer a month earlier) soon left the hospital to bring her brother Lief to see her. When they finally returned, the curtains around her mother's bed were drawn. She drew the curtains and saw that ice packs were placed over her mother's eyes as she had donated her cornea. They had arrived too late. 

The next passage was when they had to put down Cheryl's mom's horse as she was getting on in age and suffering. Having no money, Cheryl couldn't afford to have a vet euthanize the horse so they chose to shoot the horse. She thought it would be a clean shot, that the horse would die immediately but it wasn't so. After being shot thrice, Lady the horse struggled and died a slow torturous death. Cheryl was mad with grief. I would too. 

I was awestruck by her courage and determination to complete the trail she had planned on doing, even though she had no hiking experience and had come to the trail unprepared. Most hikers on the Pacific Crest Trail had spent months and almost a year to prepare themselves for the trip. She didn't. One also gets the sense that she'd been very lucky that nothing bad had happened to her during the entire 3-month hike. It was a dangerous thing to do, to go on a solo hike on unfamiliar terrains, especially the Mojave desert. 

Feeling inspired by the book, I went on to the PCT webpage and read that there was a long list of hikers who had completed the entire trail, running from Mexico to Canada and that a typical trip would last for 6 months and cost between 4-8000 usd. I can't imagine living 6 months in the wilderness. I then searched for more palatable trails and made a mental note that if I ever returned to the US, I would do the Oregon or California section. 

I kinda understood when Cheryl said that even though it had not been necessary to sleep in a tent, being in an enclosed area gave one a sense of comfort and safety. It's funny when you consider this. One of the reasons to be in the wilderness, is to feel that great expanse, to be in all that space and to get away from the crowded, concrete jungle, and yet, being in a tiny space, even if it's just a thin sheet of material between us and the wilderness, gives us a sense of security. I really am curious as to how it feels like to be completely isolated from the world and hiking alone. Will one go crazy without seeing another human being for a long time? Or will find some kind of inner peace? For Cheryl, the solitude and the wild healed her broken-ness and I whole heartedly believe too that nature has the power to break you and heal you. 

The book is definitely worth the while to read although I would rate it a little below Unbroken. 8-16 April 2016

Perhaps just a glimpse will do,

Perhaps then, I will tell you the truth.

All the things that you need to know

All the secrets that have never been told.

The years have made me older 

But they have not made me bolder.

My heart, it is still troubled,

Sometimes I think, it has turned colder.

I'd planned so much to do today

But you see, the tears they cloud my eyes,

I unravel 

And couldn't remember the reason

Why I cried. 

There are so many secrets that I keep

And you, miles away,

You couldn't hear me weep,

Could you? 

The seasons will change 

But me, I remain forever fettered

To the cold, dreary darkness.

She was already drowning when she met him.

She listens to the breaths of the ocean- swoosh splat- the waves crash against her cheeks. 

The saltiness of the ocean mixes in with her tears. She is floating but in a moment, she will be sinking, into that deep silent ocean.

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes,  and readies herself for that final moment.

She knows that soon she will be enveloped in a cocoon of silence, a silence she yearns so much for; the incessant chatter in her mind has kept her awake for months. She craves that nothingness and prays that the fear of a painful death when her body is deprived of oxygen, will dissipate soon. 

I had a feeling that Kathy's Song would be on the vinyl that was bought a long time ago. Lo and behold it was there. Although the record was quite scratchy, I still thought it was pretty nice. Sound of silence is definitely a vinyl song too. 

I must have listened to Kathy's Song a hundred times in the past two days. There's just something cathartic about listening to a song over and over again till you get sick of it and then repeat the process again, a few years done the road, when you re-discover the song. 

She emptied her pockets

She didn't have two dimes

To rub together.

A gentle tear slid down her face

What does she have to give 

To the one she loves

She who has nothing

Has no right to love. 

She hung her head low

Her heart, a little aching

She has nothing to give 

Nothing to give 

So she can't have him. 

Kathy's Song- Simon and Garfunkel

I hear the drizzle of the rain

Like a memory it falls

Soft and warm continuing

Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind

Through the window of my eyes

I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets

To England where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused

My thoughts are many miles away

They lie with you when you're asleep

And kiss you when you start your day.

And as a song I was writing is left undone

I don't know why I spend my time

Writing songs I can't believe

With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see I have come to doubt

All that I once held as true

I stand alone without beliefs

The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain

Weave their weary paths and die

I know that I am like the rain

There but for the grace of you go I.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I thought this was quite a brilliant song despite its simplicity.i especially like this verse:

And so you see I have come to doubt

All that I once held as true

I stand alone without beliefs

The only truth I know is you.

It's a subtle love song written for a Kathleen Chitty, whom Paul was besotted with in the 60s.

Gently I laid my head down to sleep

That old lullaby of years gone by

It was sang to me

Ah, that sweet clarity and cadences 

The rhythm that caresses

And moves with every breath.

Unbroken- Lauren Hillenbrand

This book deprived me of sleep for 5 days, as it just made me keep on reading despite the late hours. The Times' review said "A book with pages that almost turn themselves" and I couldn't agree more with the reviewer. The fact that a memoir could be such an exciting page turner is a miracle in itself. From a young rebel, Louis Zamperini transformed himself into an Olympic runner because of the faith his brother, Pete, had in him. I am extremely envious of the tight-knittedness of the Zamperini family, that they helped each other grow and truly loved and cared for each other. Louis' Olympic career was cut short when World War II began and he was conscripted into the US Air Force as a bombardier and fought in the Pacific war. Alas, during a rescue mission, the plane he was flying in, crashed into the Pacific Ocean. Together with two other crew members, the trio drifted for over 40 days (one of them eventually died) before being captured by the Japanese army. I don't know what is worse, drifting out at sea or being held captive. I would think it is the latter as the prison officers took away not just the POW's physical health but their dignity as well. For someone like me with zero survival skills, I probably wouldn't survive in either situation. Zamperini's life got worse when he was moved to a camp that was governed by a soldier nicknamed the "bird"- a psychopath. For some unknown reason, he picked on Louie and tortured him almost every single day. I do not know how he could possibly endured such cruelty. But I think what struck me most was Louis' compassion for his fellow POWs. He would snuck food or medication for those whose health was in dire state. 

For years, Louie and the rest of the POWs were deprived of food and medical attention, endured beatings and cold winters and yet that desire to live, never left them. It amazes me how this is in contrast to our current times. For the slightest "mishap" in life, we grow depressed and some, contemplate suicide. One recurring theme I found in this book and another similar book by Victor Frankl was that once someone loses that will to live, they start detriorating physically and we have to remind ourselves that the mind is indeed a powerful thing that can determine whether we love or die. 

I think what draws people to these stories is that it tells us and reminds us of the beauty of the strength of the human spirit. 

Another aspect that I love about the book was the presence of God in Louis' life. He had the opportunity to encounter God in such a personal and life-transforming way. How Louis survived after being entangled in the wires of the crashed plane was a mystery in itself. He passed out underwater but was strangely revived and found himself out of the entanglement. While drifting for days, he saw a choir of angels sing to him. During a storm over the ocean, he made God a promise that he would dedicate his entire life to Him if he survived this. He survived through the storm and also the horrors of the POW camps. But humans, as we know, have poor memory. Louis forgot his promise to God and returning home from the war, he suffered from PTSD and most of all, a deep sense of anguish and hatred. He wanted to kill the Bird. He began drinking himself into oblivion and almost strangled his own wife. His wife wanted to leave him but after attending Billy Graham's sermon, had a change of heart and dragged Louis along. Louis felt something but ego and pride were in the way. When he was dragged a second time to the sermon, he remembered his promise to God and knew then that he needed to let go of his hatred and forgive his captors. Once he decided that was something he had to do, he was free from the evil clutches of alcoholism. His life changed for the better and he kept his promise to God to serve him. He went back to Japan to visit his captors and told them he forgave them. He tried to meet with the bird but was rejected by him. It appalled me that the bird wasn't the least remorseful for all the things he had done and justified his actions by saying he was serving the empire. It amazes me how people could delude themselves into believing that their evil deeds are for the greater good. Of course I was disappointed that most of the war criminals were Scot-free or given light sentences, which made Louis forgiveness even more incredible. It reminds me that oftentimes, we are the ones who imprison ourselves by holding on to hatred and the unwillingness to forgive. When we are unwilling to forgive, the only people who lose are ourselves. 2-7 April 2016

Perhaps all of life is but a dream

And I know no more

Of what is real

And what are illusions.

When I sleep

Do I dream

Or do I wake?

Do I fall deeper into reality

Or into that misty fog of dreams?

Ignorance is bliss, they say,

Not to know of the truth 

That lingers at the edge,

Believing that dreams are our reality

And reality our dreams.

Believing what we want to believe 

Because the unbearable lightness of truth 

It kills our reality. 

Strangely warmed

Had picked out Nelson Mandela's Long Walk to Freedom, intending to read it today but while I was cataloging the books, I chanced upon Strangely Warmed, which was given to me by the church on my baptism day (April 2014). I'd never touched the book and didn't think about reading it till today, a whole 2 years later. 

It is quite captivating to read about the founding of the Methodist faith, how it was all started by the strangely warmed feeling that John Wesley experienced. The book gave several short stories of those who had contributed to the building of the faith in Singapore. It certainly is not easy giving your life to work like these- church planting, evangelism, preaching, missionaries, etc. A truth that I didn't realize till now that it should always have been faith before holiness. By faith, we believe in our salvation through Christ, that we have been pardoned from all sins, and because of this holiness is manifested. Oftentimes, we have the idea that we need to do good to please God and to attain salvation. But that is not true. Salvation is given freely and is not attainable by our own strength. No matter how much good we do, without faith, there is no salvation nor holiness. I've also been reminded that the faith can't be practiced alone, that Methodism, is really about being part of a big family. You look out for each other and keep each other safe in this walk with God. Admittably, it is often easier said than done. It is so much more comfortable and less burdensome, to practice the faith in solitude and to believe that the faith is a personal one. Unfortunately, this is not the case. We are called to be accountable for one another and we do need to be part of the family. 

Vroom by the Sea- Peter Moore

Bought the book at a farmer's market in Stellenbosch for R20. Finally decided to read it and bring it with me on our Northern escapade. Quite an entertaining read and I love the idea of travelling on a Vespa, very befitting for a tour of Italy. Peter Moore was on his last "fling" before undertaking the lifelong and arduous task of being a father. He had looked forward to riding his old , dull Vespa but due to a chain of mis-haps and miscommunication, he bought a Vespa Rally 200 for his travel around the Almafi coast, Sardinia and Sicily. Sardinia is coincidentally one of the places I hope to visit some day. Had planned to go there during my first trip to Italy but it fell through in the end, as it was a little away from the cities we were intending to visit. 

Anyhow the purchase of the Rally (Marcello he was named) turned out to

be a blessing in disguise. With the bella moto, Italians gathered to admire it and thus, he made new friends along the way, and gotten himself out of trouble a few times too because of Marcello. It's strange the impact a beautiful Vespa could have on the Italians. Moore wrote that the Italians were suspecting of foreigners/ new faces and I'd found that to be true. They weren't exactly the friendly and passionate people you see in movies, and I suspect too that the passionate side is only shown to close family/friends. 

I liked the ending of the book, where Moore found himself in a place he had never heard of- Capraia (Capra stands for wild goat in Latin). It is a little, quiet island with volcanic cliffs, clear waters, and without the hordes of tourists. I imagine I would like a place like that. 

Ending on that bittersweet note, Moore found himself back on Livorno for a last drink before wrapping up his "fling" and returning to London (though he's an Aussie). 

I liked that he didn't really have a cast in stone kind of plan and made a few detours to events/ places, that he wasn't in a rush to get to destinations/must-sees. I wouldn't say the writing is out of this world or that the travels were anything outrageous. It just felt kinda  "homely", real, and comforting. Not too bad a vacation read.