Leftover time

I realize I'm always giving God my leftover time. There's only time for God only when the day's tasks are done. This shows how much priority/importance I've given God in my life. It is the same with people. For the important people/ interests/ tasks in our life, we portion our time to them first and it is through this gesture that we know our place in someone else's life. And it is also through this gesture that we realize just how much someone means to us. 

Recently I've been asked to be part of the core group in cell. My first thought was that I am definitely not "qualified" to be part of the group. How could I help others grow when I myself am struggling, sometimes with doubts, sometimes with questions that I just brush away because I do not have the answer to them. Sometimes I look on with envy at those whose connection with God is so close, that they can believe without a doubt that He is so real and present in their lives. 

I know that in most cases such faith does not come easy and these people may have paid a dear price to be where they are. What am I willing to give up for a steadfast faith? I don't know. I am still fearful of changes, of the unknown, of making wrong choices, of regrets. The faithless live in fear because they do not have faith and in order to be rid of fear they need to have faith and in order to have faith, they need to lose their fears and so it goes round and round....