In sickness and in health

Oftentimes we paint the perfect picture of our future. Brushing aside the possibilities that perhaps the future’s not gonna be as rosy as we thought it would be.

I wonder how many of us would be willing to shoulder the burdens of “in sickness”. Would we begin to see the caregiving as burdens or acts of true love.
Are we there for only the good times? Do we love someone because of their “worth” to us, because we need them, whether it’s for the company, the entertainment, or simply because they love us more.

During this time, I began to see who are the ones who only pay lip service and who are the ones to really step up and shoulder all the responsibilities because they truly care. I begin to see who are the dependable ones and who are the ones whose shadows you could barely glimpse because there’s nothing in it for them.

You chased after the wind because you believe there’s true joy in doing so.
You chased after the wind because that’s the only way you know.
You chased after the wind because you no longer believe in love that’s pure.
You chased after the wind because the whole world’s on it.

motorcycle diaries -- Che Guevera

just started on this book, while being halfway through chasing the last laugh, which narrates Mark Twain's journey round the world being a stand up comedian to clear his debts during his silver years. Never knew he was a comedian.
Anyway back to che... it just strikes me how fearless he and alberto were, dropping out of school and travelling around latin america with barely a dime to their name, on a dingy motorbike. I think these days one can hardly find people like that. We have all been conditioned to think that our life course should be graduate from college, find a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, earn enough to retire. We crave safety, routine, comfort. and it's so easy to get trapped in this cycle. once u earn a certain amount of salary, acquire things, it becomes difficult to let them go even when we know these things hold no real value. We chase after what everyone else wants, what everyone thinks are important, never stopping once to reflect if these are the things our hearts desire too, and what they really mean to us.
How do we get out of this rat race? i dont know.

been on a slippery slope for the longest time
without God at the centre of your life
one chases after all the wrong things
making all the wrong decisions
for a moment's pleasure
for a moment's folly.

by the lake

"I just want to be free! Why do we have to be what others want and expect us to be?  Say the right things, do the right things, wear the right clothes, get the right job, get married, live in the right neigbourhood, have 2.5 kids, stick around boring parties! This engagement ring? Why, it is nothing but a well-played DeBeers marketing campaign! Honeymoon? Isn't it another trick by airline companies and travel agents? We are just puppets of capitalism! I just want to be free, free from the burdens of society!" she raged on and then threw the ring at Carl and raced up the long flight of stairs.
She threw a few change of clothes into her leather suitcase and ran out of the house with the white picket fence.
She didnt look back, not even once. Her steps were determined as they brought her frantically to an abandoned cabin by the lake.
She stood there by the lake, took a deep breath and started counting.
One, two, three, four, five....
Tears gathered in her eyes.
She looked up at the skies and then, smiled.

forever scares me still. I wonder what if the choices we make stay with us forever? and I do not mean just this lifetime. What if we live forever, as our faith says we would? Will we still make the same choices? will we even dare to make any decisions, I wonder?
What if the career path I choose now, goes on forever, and I no longer have the ability to change the course once this lifetime ends, and the next begins? What if the life partner we choose now is bind to us truly forever, and not just for this lifetime, would we still choose him/her?  Would we be less hasty in our life choices if we could see forever?

sadness seeps into my bones
in the distance i hear the church bells toll
into eternity you walk,
While I am left standing,
waiting,
in the darkness.

My lips are forever sealed,
the truth i am forbade to tell.
Peace eludes me,
And in that chaos, the battle is lost.
We bled and there is no victor.

narcissism

Wishing for a reset button to make everything better again.
I suppose I’ve no right to be upset.
And now I’m wishing I never knew you.
I’m tired of being in your narcissistic world.