The sadness, frustration, and pressure have been bubbling deep inside me. Some days I just feel like giving up, running away, and hiding. Nothing seems to be going my way. Relationships are failing and I sometimes get the feeling that, the foundation of many a friendship is only skin-deep. Perhaps i should have let some people go a long time ago. Them being in my life have brought me regrets and sadness. How do I get over the fear of cutting ties off? How do I be cool about losing people and not keep feeling that ache? How should I forget and move on?
On the study and work front, I’ve started doubting my own abilities and mental capacity. Finding myself becoming more and more dull-witted, unfocused, and missing details. It’s like I can no longer connect the dots. I fear it might be early dementia. The poor memory, the inability to reason, easily ruffled, not remembering routes and words, inability to focus…the pressure is building coz it seems like I’ve not been progressing, and the No of obstacles just keep piling up. Sometimes I feel so anxious and afraid, that I just feel fatigued and unable to move.
I am so tired. I wonder if I deserve anything. Wonder if I can keep finding the strength to move, to keep myself alive.
