Took leave which was meant to be a farewell gathering for janie but ended up spending the entire day moping and crying. Part of me wondered why I had allowed myself to stake my entire life on this place, that if shit happens, I’ll be miserable and stuck with nowhere else to go. Yet part of me knows that there is nowhere else I really want to be. Some incidents woke me up and I realised that sometimes the truth is right before my eyes, and yet the sweet lies are so comforting, that I knowingly buy into them despite myself. There were decisions that I knew in my guts, were wrong but I didn’t trust myself and overanalysed everything and ended up being more wrong than ever. Such is life. I should surrender myself to my guts next time.