havent been writing much...guess my words were all spent after the exams... my days are just rolling into one and I know in a blink of the eye, i will be trudging back to school again.
There are a million thoughts on my mind (ok, exaggerating a bit here) but they are all incoherent and I cant make sense of them. There are times when I wanted to do something, say yes to things, but there's always an invisible thread that pulls me back. What am I afraid of finding? What am I afraid of you finding? That none of these are real, that we have just been living in our own little world of illusions? Sometimes it's frightening how people hold the strings to your life- every move they make, every decision they make, the things they do or dont do, they all have the power to bring you up or tear you down.

I guess I still lack the maturity and courage to tell things as it is- no holds bar. always considering what others might think, how they might judge, making wild guesses at their next step if I say/do something....why do we care so much about these things? Would the truth set us free or would it just shatter all our hopes and dreams? I wish I could say the things I wanna say to you although I am not sure if it would change anything or perhaps even ruin everything... What am i expecting really?

It's funny how almost everyone who walks into our lives has the potential to change our lives. It may be a small suggestion they make, which changes the decisions we make, which leads us onto a completely different path. Take for instance, it could be an acquaintance who suggested a course at school to you, which led you into considering it, and eventually taking it, and which then completely alters your life- career, the people you subsequently meet, the lifestyle you lead as a result of your career choice, etc.

on an unrelated note, currently reading All the Light We Cannot See. Beautiful read set during the Second World War. It's appalling how war can change a normal man into a merciless killing machine and for what, really...a mad man's greed....