Tuscany

Brings back fond memories of Tuscany: https://youtu.be/tX_AxK2jkM4

Tuscany seems to be perpetually bathed in soft yellow and orange light. Miss that slowness of life, that quietness, against the backdrop of rolling hills, and rows upon rows of vines. 

 And the manipulative psychopath strikes again. I really wonder what’s her purpose in doing so and it totally befuddles me how anyone can put on a show day in and day out. Perhaps it really is necessary to lay everything on the table and confront her on all her lies. 

Dancing barefoot under the moonlight

Soft dew on the grass 

Held on to you tight 

Wishing the night will last. 

The owls hoot a good night 

Rain fell onto our faces

The fears I tried to fight 

Wishing you would stay. 

 What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Age old adage, cliche. I wonder how true it is. Is it an irresponsible thing to say to someone in the dumps? Isn’t it implying that you are weak if you let life kill you? Is it a kind of blame we lay on those who decide to give up and end their lives ? Perhaps we do need to rethink our words. What may seem inspiring and encouraging may not necessarily mean the same thing to others. People can get broken by the things life throws at them. Not everyone can get out of the toxic web they spun for themselves. Such words are probably dished out by people who have never fallen deep enough. 

Hermit

 The inkwell has run dry. I think my prose has weakened ever since I stopped reading consistently. Consistency, I guess, is the only way to keep honing your craft. I’ve lost consistency in so many areas, fitness, studies, writing, reading….constantly feeling overwhelmed and tired. 

This year seems like a year to write people off. Finding it harder and harder to keep relationships. I guess as we age, we grow more miserly with our time. I’ve been thinking if I’ve had too much expectations of people but without expectations, what does that make me?A doormat, a valueless thing that you keep in the darkest corner of a room in case you need it one day? I’m tired of people, having to deal with them, their motives, schemes… why can’t people just be simple - what you see is what you get. Why do we need to complicate things by scheming, attacking, defending? Why can’t we just say whatever’s on our mind? Why can’t our intentions be pure? 

Perhaps the hermit life suits me better. 

Dunning-kruger effect applies to character

And then I remembered, I used to write poetries. Everyday feels the same these days and I feel uninspired. There were a million and one things I wanted to explore/ experience but all these seem to have faded away and I’ve lost desires for most things. Pottery, poetries, paintings, piano, ukulele, scrapbooking, photography. Well I guess at least I’m still exercising, drinking, journaling, and reading. Suppose these count for something, I hope? My days are just crazy gray.

Skip a stone, 

Ripples in the water,

The tears of the sun,

Glisten like diamonds.

I remember a day,

When the world was asleep,

and it was just me,

And my silent breaths.

I was alive,

I truly was,

Once.