Fear

I suppose I’m by nature a worrier, weighing every single step never daring to take a risk. Perhaps this may be a source of discontentment coz you know deep down, you are not pursuing all that you want and it makes you feel trapped. 

Fear I guess is a way we protect ourselves, the way human beings have used it to increase their odds of survival. We have used it so well that now we fear even when there’s no imminent threat, we fear the unknown, the future, things that are not even in existence now. 

Is being too comfortable uncomfortable ? For me perhaps I feel that way at times and I wonder how people can go on living perfect lives being comfortable. I wish I could be like that - no pursuit, with nary a care.  

Burnout

 We are trapped in our cocoon, not knowing how others are, or how we really are. Although I can’t say I absolutely abhor CB or its milder version, I feel a sense of disconnect from people. Also finding myself getting a little short these days & being more calculative of my time and effort. Sometimes I just feel so inundated by everyone’s request and I wonder if I’ve inevitably become everyone’s PA and someone everyone takes for granted.  I’m not sure if there can come a day when I can let others do the heavy lifting for me. But knowing myself, it’s probably hard for me to ask for favor or help. Feeling really sick and tired. 

Hermit crabs

The home has become the workplace, the bar, the restaurant, the gym, the bbq, the library, the theatre, the church, these days. Wonder if we will all become hermits in time to come. 

 Re-reading Sophie’s World. It amazes me how Democritus could through pure thoughts, derive at the atom theory. 

On another note, it also amazes me the length people would go just to get what they want. The schemes, the deceits, planting toxicity. Is it really worth that kind of effort to play mind games to attain your goal. Wouldn’t it be so much more honorable to attain something based purely on your own merit? Do connections really matter that much? Does creating a picture perfect image of yourself mean that you have to bring everyone else down? Is it even necessary to make yourself out to be perfect? Ain’t imperfections so much more real? Is it a matter of pride and egoism to make up lies just coz your advances had been spurned? Human beings can be so scary at times. 

Breath of dream

 The beauty of yesterdays,

Faded.

Came to believe that,

Nothing lasts forever. 

Here for a moment,

Thought I tasted eternity.

It was gone,

Temporal,

Like a breath of dream. 

Faceless, nameless crowds,

Silenced the whispers 

That threatened to shatter the cacophony. 

What was heard was unheard

What was seen was unseen

The burden is meant for one to bear.

What a fool to believe,

The goodness, the goodness,

It’s a lie that lives in fairy tales.

Sometimes I wonder why the person who initiates a break up gets blamed and casted in a bad light. Is the person who wants to leave a relationship always to blame? Perhaps that person deserves a pat on the back instead for being mature and brave enough to end things rather than dragging things on just for the sake of being responsible/kind. 

Sometimes we hear people lament oh but s/he didn’t do anything wrong, s/he is such a good person.. xyz must be really bad/stupid to dump him/her. I wonder if it’s crueler to carry on a relationship with someone knowing that s/he isn’t the right one? Aren’t we short-changing that person ? 

I wonder why it’s so hard to do the right thing. Perhaps of society’s judgment, perhaps of fear, perhaps of the unknown, perhaps of all the things we’ve accumulated that need to be cut off from our lives....