Monday, March 31, 2014

The Two Fishermen

There were two fishermen at sea. I watched the two boats rock gently in the waves. One of them held on to two rods. The other had only one. I asked the one with two rods why he was doing that. He said,"So that I can have a higher chance of catching a fish! I will just take home whichever fish that first bites the bait." The fisherman with one rod just sat quietly with a slight smile on his face. On his face, I saw a quiet determination; he knew what fish he wanted to catch.
With a yelp, the fisherman with the two rods reeled in his catch. It was a small, beautiful fish. He was happy for a while. But then he started looking longingly at the other rod. Was he wondering about what he would have caught with the other rod? Would it have been a bigger, better fish? Or would it have been a worthless fish that couldn't feed anyone? This, he would never know. With one last yearning look at the rod, he decided to pack up his gear and rowed away.
The sun was almost setting and still the fisherman with the one rod, waited.
And then I heard a splish splosh. The fisherman had caught a huge, silvery fish with scales that glistened like diamonds. His face was aglow with pride and joy. This was the fish he wanted. Had lovingly prepared the bait for. Had carefully chosen the spot for. Had patiently waited for. With that, he sailed away with his prized catch into the sunset.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Starry starry night-jimmy liao

Finished starry starry night in 10 min! Simple yet moving; the kind that brings a smile to your face. I love how jimmy liao drew miniature size of van gogh's paintings. And coincidentally the starry starry night series are my favorite from his works; just didn't quite get the sunflower, his self portraits, and those bedroom paintings...
The story tells of a little girl who used to live with her grandparents in a small cabin in the woods but subsequently had to move back to the city to live with her parents. She wasn't happy in the city as her parents were too busy for her and were always squabbling. One Christmas night she received news that her grandfather had passed away. She didn't attend the funeral and chose to grieve for him in her own solitary way coz she didn't want others to see her tears (a lil like me)... One snowy night she was awaken by a singing and saw a little boy laying on the rooftop. She admired the boy for seemingly having nary a care in the world. The next day she saw the boy in class- he had just transferred to her school. The boy went about his business in solitude not caring much for people around him. The girl began bumping into him everywhere. They became best of friends after she saved him from a group of bullies. The boy taught her to enjoy the rain, to get soaked in it, to taste it. The girl also admired the boy for his ability to survive in the wild and also his carefreeness. One night they decided to run away from home as they realized they couldn't see the stars anymore in the polluted city and things weren't too rosy in the girl's home. They packed their bags and trekked through the woods to her grandparents' cabin. The trek was nothing short of an adventure. When they reached the cabin, she began to recall the times with her grandparents. And how her grandfather would bring her into the woods at night and to a small lake where they would lie in a boat and rock to the gentle waves, Waiting for the fog to lift so that they could see the stars. That was what the boy and the girl eventually did. After that, they returned home and the girl fell ill. When she recovered, the boy had left. In his room, she found pictures of whales and dolphins. He had mentioned he wished he could be as carefree as a whale.

The picture book didn't contain much words but I guess it's true when they say a picture paints a thousand words.
The story reminds me of some of my dreams.....
Anyway found something out today and I am sorta glad albeit a little sad. But it's surely better than having to second guess everything... A steely heart is really what I need to get through things these days.


Had resisted going to the library for some time coz there's still a truckload of books on my shelves! But sorta glad I went coz I finally found jimmy liao's starry starry night. Had went Popular earlier to try to get a copy but didn't have much luck. How I got to know jimmy liao is nothing short of a wonder. Was in Taipei and we were looking at iPhone covers and this picture caught my eye. But alas the shop only had it for iPhone 5 which I unfortunately do not own. When I got back to Singapore I was googling stuff like boy girl boat starry night, trying to find the same cover online. Only later did I know it was by a famous cartoonist from Taiwan called jimmy Liao. And strangely a colleague had vaguely mentioned before I went Taipei that there were a series of wall murals by this artist and you could follow the trail and see all his work. But I hadn't taken much notice then.
Anyway hope the story would be as good as its cover!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Travel list

My travel list from 2010. Actually some dated way back....
And I realized I've only crossed 2 places off the list,Venice and Taiwan and strangely for both places I went with the sis.
We were contemplating on tackling Greece next. And maybe Ireland thereafter.

Greece
Maldives
Alaska/ any other place with Aurora
Venice, Italy
Ireland
England (Cotswold and the likes)
Nepal
Egypt
Angkor Wat, Cambodia
Taiwan
Was scanning through an old blog. Some parts of me are still the same, and some have changed. Some posts made me wanna cringe and some posts just surprised me. I think it's nice to pen your thoughts and feelings down and re-read them years down the road and perhaps, reclaim some parts of you that might have been lost along life.

Friday, March 28, 2014

The leaves were painted red and gold,
On the trees that lined the long lonesome avenue,
Empty streets, misty night,
She walked without a sound,
Afraid that her tear would break
The silence of the night.
In her eyes lay her darkest secrets.
In the deepest recesses of her heart,
She hid the pain,
That no one could see
Because no one could understand.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

In madness

There is a certain sense of cruelty in you,
A certain sense of darkness,
That you couldn't contain,
Even if you wanted to.
Everything's twisted
Even our minds.
We groped in the dark
Searching for a light
But we got lost
In our madness.
Hurry you called to me.
But where are we going?
We are just running around
In circles.
Oh we are just running around
In our madness.

The sweetest thing

http://youtu.be/KDi4hBWsvkY

I can't see this happening in our times though.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Purpose driven life- Rick warren

Have had this book for years sitting on the shelf. I remembered reading a chapter and giving it up. Perhaps the timing wasn't right then. Decided to blow the dust off the book 1 week ago. Guess I'm glad I did. More changes to be made but tiny steps first. First step- set a reminder to read a verse. Although I read the bible almost every day, it's becoming more like a schedule or ritual (bible reading in the morning, prayers at night). And then throughout the day, we forget God's presence (not always though). I guess the relationship should be continuous, like having a constant friend/ companion at your side. And not just a fixed appointment with God.

The wolves

The wolves were at the gate,
The one you asked her to guard,
With all her heart.
But she was callous,
And the gate was torn apart.
She lay,
Trampled,
Broken,
In her own blood.

April's fool

An old poem that somehow ended in the draft section. Maybe it was incomplete...
It was an April Fool's joke,
You came and
Pulled a prank.
Some things were broken
In the midst,
And something was stolen,
From the mess.
I wept,
But you didn't care.
Something was lost
When you left.
A fool I was,
The one who knew your tricks,
Yet once again beguiled.

Folly of youth

Ties forged
And Broken
Million promises made
That we couldn't upkeep.
The closer we walked
The further we drifted.
A midsummer's night dream shifted
Into a deep winter's slumber.
The years came and they went.
We were ensnarled
In life's and time's traps.
The folly of youth
Once taught us to love.
But time has taught us to forget
What love is.
What was once important
Seemed senseless now.
What was once trivial,
Occupied our minds now.


Tbc....

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The hollow men V - TS Eliot


Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

I wonder why TS Eliot said life is very long. Maybe he was referring to the afterlife and yes, that would be a verrryyyy long time. But on earth, life is truly very short. Time passes so fast. Unbelievably, March is ending and a new quarter of the year will begin in a heartbeat.
There's this fear in me that time is running out. Will we ever out-run time? Hah impossible. Decisions made but concrete plans were not, needless to say the execution. How much more time do I have to waste....?

Promises

Promises are easy to make
And simple to break.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

To the fair

Bring me to the fair,
Where we can ride on the Ferris wheel
With our legs dangling from the chair,
High up in the air.

Where we will have our hands and faces
Sticky with candy floss
Where we will find secret places
And pretend we are pirates lost
On Treasure Island.

Where bumper cars crash with glee
Into each other,
Where we will read the funnies
And laugh till our sides ache.

Where we will sneak
Into the house of horrors
And steal a peek
At the ghostly lady in white
And scream till our voices hoarse.

Bring me to the fair
Where we will have so much fun
Bring me to the fair
Before we get too old
To live, to love, to play.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Love can't be measured

Love can't be measured,
Nor can it be analysed.
The mind deceives,
But the heart stays true.

This side of paradise- F Scott Fitzgerald

True literary genius! Every sentence seems almost poetic and always surprises me. Never really felt that way about Fitzgerald when I read his other books. Anyway I'm only at the first few chapters and it doesn't really seem to have a plot. Basically just talks about the lives of a bunch of Ivy League boys trying to be popular... But the characters are so meticulously described that they really seem alive...I love this part where Amory talked about literature with a guy who wrote poems and was a fellow book lover...

The world is just too broken to be fixed.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The rabbit hole

The silence seduces one
Into spiraling down
The rabbit hole.
Where one can live
In darkness
And solitude.
Where one needs no one
But oneself.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Words

Words as an entity is such a contradiction. They can be powerful, inspiring, and uplifting. At times they carry no weight and are meaningless. And at times, they bring you down.
Words are sometimes cheap. They don't cost a thing to say things you don't mean and make promises you can't keep.
Words sometimes feel so costly because you just can't bring yourself to say the words you wish to say.
What are words, really....

Time

Time stands still
Its concept fades
In this place.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Love and fear

1 john 4:18 There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life - fear of death, fear of judgment - is one not yet fully formed in love. (MSG)

Sunday, March 16, 2014

She has fallen into the rabbit hole.



It was a puzzle she couldn't solve
She held the once missing piece
In her hand
It was the answer to the puzzle.
The puzzle she didn't dare to complete.
She tossed the puzzle piece
Into the wind
She'd rather go on searching forever
Than to have a pretty picture
That didn't need to be solved.
The first fall of rain tasted sweet.
And I got lost in its gentle rhythm.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The reaper

The reins of all the horses
Have broken free.
They ran like the wind,
Their spirits wild
And untamable.
The drumming of their hooves
On the soft green land
Where the old rancher stood
With tears in his eyes.
He had set them free.
And none looked back.
He couldn't catch up with them,
The reaper stood before him,
And it was his time.
His number was called
He had to go
He couldn't say no.
No, one couldn't say no,
To the reaper.
No, one couldn't say
Can I stay
Till tomorrow
To the reaper
When he stands before you.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Time

Did some sharing with a relative today... I think it's probably considered my first time sharing the gospel. Most of the times it's just some vague talk with friends. And I do realize how little knowledge I have and how much more I need to learn in order to defend the faith and also share more. But considering how reserved I normally am, I guess it wasn't too bad. The funny thing was I was feeling hesitant about talking about it and didn't quite know where to start and what to say. But deep down somewhere, I know she needs to hear it. And miraculously, just as I was about to walk away and give up, she asked me to share. I felt like I've struck lottery...

Today's topic at bible study was time management. Sounded very much like something you would learn in business school or the work place. But it's really about what we are doing with our time and a reminder about how precious time is. How much time have I wasted? Even now, I'm having a hard time discerning what is worth spending time on and what is not. I've realized that I'm slowly walking away from some things I used to indulge in... At times, I even feel like walking away from some people because I just can't engage in that kind of lifestyle or talk or thinking anymore. But it wouldn't be right, would it?
Some verses I liked from the session (strangely my previous 2 poems shared a teeny bit of similarities with some of the verses, even though I had never read these verses prior to BS):

Ephesians 5:16 NIV
[14] This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you .”
[15] Be very careful, then, how you live —not as unwise but as wise, [16] making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
[1] There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: [2] a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, [3] a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, [4] a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
[5] a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, [6] a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, [7] a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, [8] a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Wake up sleepyhead
It is time to go now.
Your journey starts today

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Vacant eyes

Vacant eyes,
Where do you sleep tonight?
Your sadness overflows,
Where do you go tonight?
The shadows cloud your eyes,
When they once shone with light.
You say the darkness never lifts,
Even in dreams.
You say you are weary,
Every step you take,
You stumble and fall,
There are no warm hands
To lift you up
And carry you over that wall
You've built.
I ask you if you believe in love,
You say you once did,
But love has failed you,
Time and again,
Leaving you in pain
And more broken each day.
You say you need no one
Because everyone disappoints you,
And when there is no hope,
Your heart is safe.
But don't you see,
The fortress you built
Its walls grow ever higher
That the sun will never shine through
And your garden will never bloom.
Your days will grow ever colder,
In that empty fortress you live in.
And don't you see,
Our days are numbered,
Each day you lay in your slumber,
Is a day wasted.
So pack up your grief,
Coz life is brief.
Soon you will learn,
What tripped you today,
Is what will pick you up tomorrow.


Monday, March 10, 2014

Everyone around me seems to be unravelling. Such a sad world.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

On old poem from March 2014 

In the crowd,
In the midst,
In the sea,
Of people,
I stood alone.

A cry escaped my lips,
A sorrow I couldn't explain,
A grief, that no one saw,
A tear I brushed away.

After what happened today, suddenly felt my issue is so trivial. Also felt so helpless, coz there is nothing I can offer to anyone. Felt a sense of sorrow that is not my own... A little strange...

Anyway, I've got my decision. Not sure where it came from. But it had nothing to do with anyone; it wasnt based on
any advice or opinions. So if there were any regrets, I would only have myself to blame. And I guess I'm fine with that.

Friday, March 7, 2014

The day to die

The old woman who no one remembered was once young,
Walked up those stairs to the attic,
Her arthritic legs slowly carrying her,
Towards that dark place,
Where she stored all her secrets.
Secrets that noone ever knew.
The winter's sun barely shone today,
She sensed a certain coldness in her soul,
Today might be the day,
She thought,
That this shell would not me belong.
She opened the creaky door,
Her fingers trembling,
Fear, anticipation,
Inflicted upon her ol' heart.
She unlocked that old dusty chest,
The one she bought from an old shopkeeper,
From New England when she was very young.
The dust danced in the flickering rays of the ending day.
Her eyes shone with tears,
As her fingers grazed the crumbling letters and those old photographs.
She found some old 45s,
Put them on,
Humming softly to those melodies of old.
The ones she used to dance to,
When her young legs ran free.
She went through the photographs
Looking for the one closest to her heart.
The one,
Of a handsome young man,
Who was lost to her.
The one,
Who went out to sea on a spring day,
And never returned when winter came and gone.
A tear slid down her weathered face,
But she was smiling,
As she remembered with sudden clarity,
The moments they had stolen together
Before the sea called him away.
Days of swimming in the warm ocean of Hawaii,
Under the soft moonlight.
Days they stood in awe
Of Niagara Falls
The Grand Canyon,
And the petrified woods of Wyoming.
Days of running free in the fields of Vermont,
Till their faces grew red
And they lay under the skies
Watching the clouds change their shapes.
Ice cream on summer days,
She remembered the cool tingling sweetness on her tongue,
She could almost taste it now.
The feel of his arms when he held her close,
The softness in his eyes when he looked at her,
The gentleness of his voice when he spoke her name,
The wild beating of her own heart.
He had made her feel alive.
She held that faded photograph,
Carried it down the longest stairs
To where she would sleep tonight
As she awaits her eternal slumber,
With her memories of him,
Which, unlike her ragged body,
Had withstood the ravages of time.



Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Love is

Love is non-refundable
You can't try it on for size
You have paid the full price
You can't trade it for anything else

The price you paid
The love you used
Everything has been laid
Upon the table

Which would you choose?
The queen of spades
The queen of hearts
Or would you rather have
The queen of clubs?

You brandished your sweet words
And conquered all hearts
And then trampled over them
You, the cruel victor,
With a crown laid with broken hearts.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Perchance to dream

It was an old lullaby that they sang
A lullaby from long ago.
Underneath the Milky Way,
Where millions of stars lit their night,
Together they sang that lullaby of old.

That old lullaby they used to sing,
When their children were very young.
Where the children used to play,
Now it was only them.

They sat under a lone oak tree,
Humming that tune softly.
Remembering those youthful dreams,
That they once chased.

Together they drifted,
Into the land of dreams,
Their weathered faces turning young again.

"To sleep, perchance to dream",
A verse from yesteryears,
That they cherished and never forgot.

Their hands intertwined,
Their hearts beating softly,
Their breaths fading,
Together they slipped
Into eternity.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Had already decided on not attending alpha course today.. But then got a message from Janice saying she needed help getting stuff for the course. So decided to stay for the course after all. Strangely enough, today's topic totally resonated with me. It was about God's guidance in helping us with decisions, whether big or small. I've been struggling for some time trying to make my mind up on some things and I guess the course has sorta helped address some of these issues.
I guess He was trying to speak to me when my heart was feeling a little discouraged and tumultuous. I need a little more patience to see where everything is heading. A little more obedience to put away all my foolish desires. I also realized through our sharing that I am not the only one facing similar trials. I'm grateful in a way for the path I'm on now, although sometimes I feel a little frustrated...


Forgotten garden

Nothing ever grows in this garden,
A piece of land that has been forgotten.
The flowers withered,
The leaves dead.

The blanket of grass where we once laid,
Has overgrown with weeds.
Because we had not sown
There is nothing we can reap.


Tbc..

.... Prompted by the dry spell in sg, turning the grass brown.

We start dying the moment we are born.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Way to the sea

Is this the way to the sea?
I asked the old man.
He pointed to the sky,
Follow that light,
And it will lead you
To where you want to go.
And so I headed north
To where that star always shines,
Unchanging,
In a crazy world that never stops evolving.
Nothing ever stays the same in this world,
Hearts change,
People change,
Nothing is ever permanent,
Except death.